Dealing with Infidelity and Guilt
Almost every relationship that faces betrayal and infidelity has to deal with guilt. Not only do the cheating partners deal with guilt over what they did, but the betrayed partner often feels huge amounts of guilt afterward, too. It might seem nonsensical for the betrayed partner to feel guilt, but it begins to make sense when you break it down and understand it. Bearing guilt over the end of a relationship is surprisingly common, and sometimes, the first person we have to work on forgiving is ourselves. The Illusion of Control There are times in life when we struggle to accept what has happened. This often happens when we face the loss of a loved one in death. We might feel like we had a hand in their death because of something we did or didn’t do. This feeling of guilt is a common part of grief and often leads to bargaining behavior where we desperately wish things had been different. When a relationship is ruined by infidelity and cheating, we experience grief in much the same way as when a loved one passes away. Along with feeling furious, demeaned, and disrespected, many of us will also feel guilty. We feel guilty not because we were unfaithful, but because we feel like we could have done something different to avoid the situation entirely. Much in the same way that we begin bargaining after the death of a loved one, we might run through all the “what if” scenarios that we can think of. We feel guilty because we believe that we could have changed the situation. When we start peeling back the layers of this thinking, we find that deep down, we believed we were in control of the situation. We can’t fix anything out of our control, so [...]
