Featured Archives | Valencia Christian Counseling

How to (and How Not to) Help a Hoarder

How to (and How Not to) Help a Hoarder

Stephanie Kramer2025-06-27T06:11:46+00:00June 27th, 2025|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Your intentions are good. You see your loved one struggling under a mountain of “trash” and even deeper under the weight of depression. You see the leaning piles of unfinished projects and “useless” items. Your first instinct is to rush to your loved one’s side and rescue them from their hoarder disorder. You want to be their hero. If only it were that simple. Most people who hoard don’t identify as hoarders. They rationalize their behavior, justifying or denying it. They may not see their possessions as excessive or problematic and might have deep emotional bonds with these objects, which makes it hard for them to think of these things as “trash.” And some people with hoarding disorder struggle with decision-making, perfectionism, or anxiety (or in some cases, all three). These obstacles prevent them from letting go of things or even wanting to. Hoarding is often linked to mental health conditions like obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), anxiety, or depression, making self-awareness complicated. If confronted, some hoarders may become defensive or insist that they are simply collecting treasured items or being resourceful instead of hoarding. So, jumping in to help the hoarder, as well-intentioned as you may be, might make them view you as a villain rather than the hero you are trying to be. That’s why it’s important to approach the idea of helping someone downsize their hoard with extreme caution and compassion. Before you attempt to help someone with their hoarding issue, it’s important to examine the motive behind your desire to help. Are you helping this person out of genuine concern and compassion for them, or do you have selfish motives such as taking their possessions or making your own life easier? If you are authentically trying to help your loved one with their hoarding issues, and you are [...]

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Dealing with Infidelity and Guilt

Dealing with Infidelity and Guilt

Wade Van Staden2025-05-29T07:07:44+00:00May 29th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Men’s Issues, Spiritual Development, Women’s Issues|

Almost every relationship that faces betrayal and infidelity has to deal with guilt. Not only do the cheating partners deal with guilt over what they did, but the betrayed partner often feels huge amounts of guilt afterward, too. It might seem nonsensical for the betrayed partner to feel guilt, but it begins to make sense when you break it down and understand it. Bearing guilt over the end of a relationship is surprisingly common, and sometimes, the first person we have to work on forgiving is ourselves. The Illusion of Control There are times in life when we struggle to accept what has happened. This often happens when we face the loss of a loved one in death. We might feel like we had a hand in their death because of something we did or didn’t do. This feeling of guilt is a common part of grief and often leads to bargaining behavior where we desperately wish things had been different. When a relationship is ruined by infidelity and cheating, we experience grief in much the same way as when a loved one passes away. Along with feeling furious, demeaned, and disrespected, many of us will also feel guilty. We feel guilty not because we were unfaithful, but because we feel like we could have done something different to avoid the situation entirely. Much in the same way that we begin bargaining after the death of a loved one, we might run through all the “what if” scenarios that we can think of. We feel guilty because we believe that we could have changed the situation. When we start peeling back the layers of this thinking, we find that deep down, we believed we were in control of the situation. We can’t fix anything out of our control, so [...]

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Coping With Rising OCD Anxiety from Pressure to Post Perfect Content

Coping With Rising OCD Anxiety from Pressure to Post Perfect Content

Grace Mavindidze2025-04-23T10:33:46+00:00April 23rd, 2025|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, OCD|

Have you ever had a heavy knot in the pit of your stomach just before hitting “share” online? Even when you get that perfect snap and apply a killer filter to it you are still stuck, staring at the “post” button. Your heart starts beating with your mind running all kinds of thoughts; “Will they like it?”, “Is the caption clever enough?”, or “Is it perfect?” You may be experiencing OCD anxiety. All this pressure for perfect posts is sending OCD anxiety cases in younger people through the roof, leaving them stuck in a continuous circle of overthinking and self-doubt. More and more young people are feeling the weight of digital perfectionism. What’s driving this rise in online posting OCD anxiety? Social media platforms have become such central parts of our lives, especially for young people. The pressure to present a perfect online persona is extreme. In fact, according to the American Psychological Association, almost 45% of teens in the US alone have reported feeling stressed out more by social media than any other trigger. The continuous need for validation by way of likes, comments, and shares fuels OCD anxiety and makes it impossible to break out of that perfectionism cycle. One of the main triggers for anxiety in OCD is the fear of posting something inappropriate or making a mistake. This may lead to hours of editing and re-editing posts, trying to get everything just right. Especially for teenagers, this pressure becomes overwhelming. The very thought of accidentally sharing something that can be misjudged or misinterpreted causes a huge amount of stress. Another way OCD anxiety can play out in the digital age is through digital hoarding. This involves keeping every photo, video, and file for fear of losing something important. Feeling out of control and the need [...]

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What to Expect from Group Counseling in Valencia

What to Expect from Group Counseling in Valencia

Melissa Plantz2025-04-11T05:04:37+00:00April 11th, 2025|Featured, Group Counseling|

Group counseling, a powerful tool for addressing various issues, is often a mystery to many. However, rest assured that a professional counselor guides you. This expert will pose thought-provoking questions and offer suggestions, both for individuals and the group as a whole, fostering a secure and supportive environment. Group counseling in Valencia, California is not a one-size-fits-all approach. The format, focus, and activities tailored to the group’s specific topic, the participants’ needs, and the counselor’s expertise, making each session unique. Types of Group Counseling The following is a list of a few of the types of group counseling: Support groups Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) groups Process groups The counseling center you choose may employ several more types for their clients. The good news is that group counseling, either in person or virtually, is available for many topics. The following is a list of topics you may cover in group counseling. The activities will vary in topics and participants. Physical, mental, or sexual abuse Substance abuse Alcohol addiction Addiction to pornography Addiction to gambling Eating disorders Grief and loss Marriage counseling Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Trauma Relationship issues Depending on the subject, the group may meet once weekly or biweekly. The counselor may ask participants to check in with them daily or weekly outside the group. Common Group Counseling Activities Group counseling activities allow participants to work together, share, and learn from what has worked in the past and what has not. Activities will vary based on the topic and the group. The following is a list of common activities you may encounter at the center or in online group counseling. Visualization The counselor may lead the group through guided imagery. Visualization can help people see how they wish to be or can be a way to release tension. If relevant [...]

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Living with ADHD as a Christian: How God Can Use Your ADHD for His Glory

Living with ADHD as a Christian: How God Can Use Your ADHD for His Glory

Stephanie Kramer2025-03-27T04:57:36+00:00March 27th, 2025|ADHD/ADD, Featured, Spiritual Development|

Living with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can be a challenge. It can make you feel like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. The way you think and process information can differ significantly from those around you. You may have been labeled with unfair tags such as “lazy” or “hyper”. And all of this may make you wonder if you will ever fit into the non-ADHD world. God doesn’t make mistakes. He designed you with a purpose, ADHD and all. The very traits that may seem like obstacles and challenges can be gifts when used in the right way. Your energy, creativity, and ability to think outside the box are strengths that our broken and hurting world desperately needs. The beauty of the family of God, His perfect plan, is room and purpose for all of His children. His “hyper” kids may just be the perfect youth pastors, bringing enthusiasm and life to the gospel. God’s kids who are easily distracted may thrive as compassionate social workers in a high-paced environment. And one of His “kids” with hyper-focus may just hyper-fixate enough to find a cure for a major disease someday. Throughout the Bible, God used people who didn’t fit the mold. Moses doubted his speaking ability, yet God made him a great leader. Peter was impulsive, yet God used him to build His church. David was the youngest and most overlooked, yet God called him to be a king. Your ADHD doesn’t disqualify you; it equips you! Don’t let the world, in its fallible wisdom and pessimistic outlooks tell you that your ADHD-inspired behavior makes you less-than, unworthy, unproductive, or unusable. God has a perfect plan, tailored and curated, just for you. He knew you and He made you before you were born and [...]

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When Men Get Postpartum Depression

When Men Get Postpartum Depression

Cyndi Kay Green2025-03-11T16:57:36+00:00March 7th, 2025|Depression, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues|

When we discuss postpartum depression, we typically think about women. But the reality is that men can also be affected by postpartum depression. Bringing a baby into the family is a big change for everyone. Though the dad may not experience the pain, there is still the struggle with exhaustion and stress that come with having a newborn in the home. These are a normal part of the birth of a child. However, they can lead to the onset of symptoms that are in line with postpartum depression. Valencia Christian Counseling can provide support and guidance to help navigate this season of life. It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you nor forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. – Deuteronomy 31:8, ESV Factors That Play a Role in Postpartum Depression Men who suffer from postpartum depression usually notice the symptoms when the baby is three to six months old. Various factors play a part in male postpartum depression. Moms who are depressed When the mom shows signs of postpartum depression, about half of the men will begin to show signs of depression, as well. Sleep deprivation It is no secret that new parents struggle with proper sleep right after the birth of the baby. This deprivation can cause depression and anxiety Hormones Men can experience a change in testosterone levels after the birth of a baby. Feeling of disconnection from mom and the newborn Dads sometimes feel disconnected due to the mom being more hands-on and focused on bonding. Family history of depression If there is a history of depression, the male is more likely to experience postpartum depression. Adjusting to parenthood Becoming a parent can seem overwhelming. Parenting requires the ability to cope with many changes. [...]

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Night Terrors in Adults: What Are They?

Night Terrors in Adults: What Are They?

Joanna Kucherera2025-03-11T16:25:24+00:00February 28th, 2025|Anxiety, Depression, Featured, Grief Counseling|

Night terrors, or sleep terrors, are episodes where a sleeping person suddenly begins trembling, sweating, shouting, and may even thrash or walk around as if in a state of fear. These episodes can last anywhere between thirty seconds to an hour or more but are usually over quite quickly. While the person experiencing this episode is unconscious and completely unaware of their actions, it can be distressing for others to witness. Night terrors affect 40% of the child population and only about 2.2% of the adult population. People will generally only experience night terrors as adults if they also experienced them as children. While night terrors can be disruptive to others, they should not cause too much concern for the person experiencing them. They should not be an indicator of poor mental health, for example, though they can be linked to stress and caffeine intake. What are night terrors? Night terrors are part of a broad category of a sleep disorder called parasomnia, of which there are six recognized conditions. These are sleepwalking (somnambulism), teeth grinding, REM sleep behavior disorder, nocturnal sleep-related disorder, nightmares, and night terrors. A person may experience one, all, or a few of these in their lifetime, although commonly they occur during pre-puberty and decline in frequency as we age. Valencia Christian Counseling offers guidance and support to help navigate sleep-related challenges. When we sleep, we experience two types of sleep: non-Rapid Eye Movement sleep (non-REM), and Rapid Eye Movement sleep (REM). In the first stage, we go from dozing off to deep sleep-in cycles over four or more hours. Our brain activity slows and changes, our body temperature drops, and our breathing slows. In the early hours, we begin REM sleep. Our brain activity picks up to the same levels as when we are [...]

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Adverse Childhood Experiences and Abandonment Issues in Relationships

Adverse Childhood Experiences and Abandonment Issues in Relationships

Kate Motaung2025-03-11T17:13:55+00:00January 22nd, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Childhood is meant to be a time of exploration, growth, and fun as a child finds their way in the world. Unfortunately, that isn’t every child’s story. Children struggle and go through tough hardships such as abandonment issues in relationships just like adults. Those experiences can affect their development, how they form bonds, and how they relate to other people. Abandonment Issues in Relationships The term “attachment style” refers to how a person is able to form emotional bonds with others, and the kinds of expectations they carry with them into those relationships. There are four main attachment styles, which are: secure, avoidant-dismissive, anxious or ambivalent, and disorganized attachment styles. These styles describe the ways people interact with others and behave in relationships. Valencia Christian Counseling can help individuals explore their attachment styles and develop healthier relationship patterns. When a person experiences consistent care, they are more confident that their needs will be met. This will typically lead to a secure form of attachment. This type of attachment leads to expectations that others will be responsive to their needs, and they can feel safe with others. If this sense of confidence is forged during a critical development period such as infancy, childhood, and adolescence, it will have a lasting impact. Abandonment issues vary, but they all typically stem from not having one’s needs met consistently or being subjected to unhealthy patterns of behavior during the formative years. These may cause a person to be wary of others, to struggle with closeness with loved ones, to be unwilling to be vulnerable in sharing thoughts and feelings with others, and preemptively sabotage relationships to avoid being abandoned. A person with an insecure attachment style may have a hard time trusting their partner, and they may be clingy and require constant reassurance [...]

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Bipolar Schizophrenia Versus Schizoaffective Disorder

Bipolar Schizophrenia Versus Schizoaffective Disorder

Sandra Stein2025-03-11T17:18:35+00:00December 10th, 2024|Bipolar Disorder, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Is bipolar schizophrenia a thing? The answer is yes and no. Bipolar disorder is characterized by extreme shifts in mood, energy level, and thinking, whereas schizophrenia causes a person to lose touch with reality. They are two separate and distinct mental health conditions, and the diagnosis of one typically excludes the other. However, there are rare cases where a person exhibits symptoms of both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder at the same time. When that happens, however, it is not diagnosed as bipolar schizophrenia, but rather as bipolar schizoaffective disorder. What is schizoaffective disorder? Schizoaffective disorder is an uncommon, chronic, mental health condition that dramatically affects the way a person thinks and copes with his or her day-to-day life. It is characterized by a mix of schizophrenic symptoms such as delusions, hallucinations, and disorganized thinking, combined with either bipolar mania or depression (schizoaffective disorder bipolar type), or a major depressive disorder (schizoaffective disorder, depressive type). Because the condition is so rare, getting the right diagnosis can be challenging. Schizoaffective disorder is one of the most frequently misdiagnosed psychiatric disorders in clinical practice and is often misidentified as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. Valencia Christian Counseling provides guidance and support for those navigating complex mental health conditions. How is bipolar schizoaffective disorder diagnosed? There are two steps to diagnosing bipolar schizoaffective disorder. The first one is a medical evaluation to rule out any other physical or neurological condition that might be causing the symptoms. The other focuses on the diagnostic criteria of the disorder. According to the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR), for a person to be diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type, he or she needs to meet the following criteria. The person must have an uninterrupted period of illness during which he or she [...]

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Doing the Work: Self, Spiritual Goals, and Personal Growth

Doing the Work: Self, Spiritual Goals, and Personal Growth

Kate Motaung2025-03-11T17:24:57+00:00November 29th, 2024|Featured, Personal Development, Professional Development, Spiritual Development|

Spiritual goals and growth are not about practicing more religious habits. While those can be external reflections of a relationship with Christ, the root of it occurs in our hearts. Becoming more like Jesus originates in shared time and surrender. Sometimes, we have notions about what we think serving God is supposed to be. Yet, we haven't always inquired with our Father about what that looks like for us, considering how He formed us and fit us in various roles and responsibilities, with distinct spiritual aptitudes and natural abilities. God wants to shape our lives in ways that will not only transform us but also impact our environment. Sometimes, we are preoccupied with the reverse. We envision shifting outside conditions, believing that internal transformation pivots on shifting circumstances. This externalizes our joy, resting it on outside sources with no real guarantee that they will produce the difference we desire. A few well-placed changes may suffice temporarily, but they won't bring the abiding peace and long-term transformation that glorifies God and blesses us and others. Valencia Christian Counseling can help guide you toward lasting, faith-based transformation. Instead, Jesus invites us to journey with Him into our souls to dig deep concerning our spiritual goals and growth. As we yield, the Holy Spirit does the work of changing our lives from the inside out. He may rearrange circumstances, but He often begins with our character. Ultimately, He transforms us, enabling us to make environmental changes reflective of who He is and what He's doing within our souls. The following outline a few ways we can follow His lead, with spiritual integrity and practical simplicity. Self-Reflection The mirror of God's Word enables us to accurately see ourselves as God does (James 1:23-24). Often, the world's noise distracts and infiltrates our souls with [...]

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