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The First Year of Marriage: Managing the In-laws and Setting Boundaries with Love

The First Year of Marriage: Managing the In-laws and Setting Boundaries with Love

Stephanie Kramer2025-10-31T06:40:15+00:00October 31st, 2025|Family Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

The first year of marriage is often described as a whirlwind of love, discovery, and building a life together. But amid the excitement of blending two lives together, there’s one challenge that can test even the strongest of bonds: managing the in-laws. We’ve all seen movies that make light of the overly involved in-laws who seem to have an opinion on everything from your home décor to your dinner plans. But the reality is, this relatable and humorous plotline is no laughing matter when the in-law’s involvement in your marriage becomes an unexpected layer of complexity and tension to your newlywed bliss. What can go wrong when the in-laws get overly involved? Unfortunately, a lot. Let’s look at some common scenarios and learn how to navigate them with humor, grace, and maybe a decaf caramel macchiato. The Unannounced Visits You’re enjoying a quiet Saturday morning, sipping coffee in your pajamas, when suddenly – ding-dong! Your in-laws arrive at the door with a dozen bagels and a desire to “spend time together.” While their intentions are sweet, the lack of notice can be jarring, especially if you were planning a lazy day or had other plans. How to Handle It Set boundaries early on in your relationship but do so with kindness. Let them know how much you appreciate their visits but that you’d love a heads-up beforehand to make sure you’re available to enjoy their company. You might say, “We love spending time with you! Can we plan a get-together next weekend so we can make sure we’re ready to host properly?” Try to show compassion for your in-laws. It’s likely they have good intentions and just want to be a part of your lives. They may feel a sense of loss as their child has moved onto another [...]

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Test Anxiety: Symptoms and How to Address It

Test Anxiety: Symptoms and How to Address It

Jennifer Kooshian2025-09-30T06:42:40+00:00September 30th, 2025|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Challenging times come to us all. For students, some of the most challenging seasons they experience are related to tests or examinations. Those times can be upsetting, and they can be worsened if anxiety enters the picture. Cliff Notes on Test Anxiety Many people feel anxious before a big or important event. In the life of a student, taking a test is a big deal, and it can bring anxiety to varying degrees. When a person has test anxiety, they experience extreme distress and anxiety in testing situations, and this anxiety has the effect of not only impairing learning but also hurting performance during tests. Test anxiety can prevent someone from doing their best. There are several reasons why a person might struggle with test anxiety. For one thing, a fear of failure can be a cause, particularly if one’s self-worth is linked to test scores. When too much emphasis is placed on a particular test, that can also cause test anxiety. Other reasons include being unprepared for the test and being afraid of not meeting others’ expectations and consequently losing their respect or affection. Additionally, if a person has a lackluster record with tests, whether due to anxiety or poor preparation, that can cause further anxiety and negative associations with tests. Lastly, if a person feels helpless and believes they can’t do anything to affect or change their grades or performance, that can add to feelings of anxiety. The stress from tests can trigger the release of adrenaline, making it difficult to concentrate on the test. Symptoms Of Test Anxiety Test anxiety, can manifest in various ways, including physically, emotionally, and behaviorally. Some of the more common symptoms of test anxiety include the following physical symptoms such as rapid heartbeat, sweating, trembling or shaking, nausea or stomach discomfort, [...]

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Common Signs of a Toxic Relationship

Common Signs of a Toxic Relationship

Melissa Plantz2025-08-30T08:01:43+00:00August 30th, 2025|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Toxic relationships are more common than you may think. As many as one in four women and one in three men have experienced a toxic relationship. These unhealthy relationships can create lasting emotional scars, making it difficult for the person to move on and trust others. Knowing the common signs of a toxic relationship can help you recognize and acknowledge if you are in an unhealthy situation. 5 Common Signs of a Toxic Relationship Knowing the signs of a toxic relationship can save you heartache later. You can end the relationship before marriage if you recognize the red flags early. Don’t despair if you didn’t see the signs before marriage. Many abusers are adept at hiding their nature until they feel they have you under control. Sometimes, their manipulation tactics start small and grow over the years. There are signs that are common to a toxic relationship. An Abuser Becomes Jealous and Controlling Easily Isolation keeps their victims from gaining confidence and seeking help. Abusers will project their own insecurities and fears onto you. If your significant other was abandoned or neglected as a child, they may project that onto you. If your abuser cheats, they may accuse you of flirting or having an affair. An Abuser Talks About You Behind Your Back To maintain control, an abuser may spread lies about you behind your back or, tell people you are crazy or have anger issues. They need to be the focus of attention and often do this by playing the victim and making you the abuser. They must keep you from learning about their lies and may keep you from other people, especially their friends and coworkers. An Abuser Makes Demeaning and Critical Comments An abuser may criticize you for everything and make demeaning comments. They may outright [...]

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How to (and How Not to) Help a Hoarder

How to (and How Not to) Help a Hoarder

Stephanie Kramer2025-06-27T06:11:46+00:00June 27th, 2025|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Your intentions are good. You see your loved one struggling under a mountain of “trash” and even deeper under the weight of depression. You see the leaning piles of unfinished projects and “useless” items. Your first instinct is to rush to your loved one’s side and rescue them from their hoarder disorder. You want to be their hero. If only it were that simple. Most people who hoard don’t identify as hoarders. They rationalize their behavior, justifying or denying it. They may not see their possessions as excessive or problematic and might have deep emotional bonds with these objects, which makes it hard for them to think of these things as “trash.” And some people with hoarding disorder struggle with decision-making, perfectionism, or anxiety (or in some cases, all three). These obstacles prevent them from letting go of things or even wanting to. Hoarding is often linked to mental health conditions like obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), anxiety, or depression, making self-awareness complicated. If confronted, some hoarders may become defensive or insist that they are simply collecting treasured items or being resourceful instead of hoarding. So, jumping in to help the hoarder, as well-intentioned as you may be, might make them view you as a villain rather than the hero you are trying to be. That’s why it’s important to approach the idea of helping someone downsize their hoard with extreme caution and compassion. Before you attempt to help someone with their hoarding issue, it’s important to examine the motive behind your desire to help. Are you helping this person out of genuine concern and compassion for them, or do you have selfish motives such as taking their possessions or making your own life easier? If you are authentically trying to help your loved one with their hoarding issues, and you are [...]

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Dealing with Infidelity and Guilt

Dealing with Infidelity and Guilt

Wade Van Staden2025-05-29T07:07:44+00:00May 29th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Men’s Issues, Spiritual Development, Women’s Issues|

Almost every relationship that faces betrayal and infidelity has to deal with guilt. Not only do the cheating partners deal with guilt over what they did, but the betrayed partner often feels huge amounts of guilt afterward, too. It might seem nonsensical for the betrayed partner to feel guilt, but it begins to make sense when you break it down and understand it. Bearing guilt over the end of a relationship is surprisingly common, and sometimes, the first person we have to work on forgiving is ourselves. The Illusion of Control There are times in life when we struggle to accept what has happened. This often happens when we face the loss of a loved one in death. We might feel like we had a hand in their death because of something we did or didn’t do. This feeling of guilt is a common part of grief and often leads to bargaining behavior where we desperately wish things had been different. When a relationship is ruined by infidelity and cheating, we experience grief in much the same way as when a loved one passes away. Along with feeling furious, demeaned, and disrespected, many of us will also feel guilty. We feel guilty not because we were unfaithful, but because we feel like we could have done something different to avoid the situation entirely. Much in the same way that we begin bargaining after the death of a loved one, we might run through all the “what if” scenarios that we can think of. We feel guilty because we believe that we could have changed the situation. When we start peeling back the layers of this thinking, we find that deep down, we believed we were in control of the situation. We can’t fix anything out of our control, so [...]

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Coping With Rising OCD Anxiety from Pressure to Post Perfect Content

Coping With Rising OCD Anxiety from Pressure to Post Perfect Content

Grace Mavindidze2025-04-23T10:33:46+00:00April 23rd, 2025|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, OCD|

Have you ever had a heavy knot in the pit of your stomach just before hitting “share” online? Even when you get that perfect snap and apply a killer filter to it you are still stuck, staring at the “post” button. Your heart starts beating with your mind running all kinds of thoughts; “Will they like it?”, “Is the caption clever enough?”, or “Is it perfect?” You may be experiencing OCD anxiety. All this pressure for perfect posts is sending OCD anxiety cases in younger people through the roof, leaving them stuck in a continuous circle of overthinking and self-doubt. More and more young people are feeling the weight of digital perfectionism. What’s driving this rise in online posting OCD anxiety? Social media platforms have become such central parts of our lives, especially for young people. The pressure to present a perfect online persona is extreme. In fact, according to the American Psychological Association, almost 45% of teens in the US alone have reported feeling stressed out more by social media than any other trigger. The continuous need for validation by way of likes, comments, and shares fuels OCD anxiety and makes it impossible to break out of that perfectionism cycle. One of the main triggers for anxiety in OCD is the fear of posting something inappropriate or making a mistake. This may lead to hours of editing and re-editing posts, trying to get everything just right. Especially for teenagers, this pressure becomes overwhelming. The very thought of accidentally sharing something that can be misjudged or misinterpreted causes a huge amount of stress. Another way OCD anxiety can play out in the digital age is through digital hoarding. This involves keeping every photo, video, and file for fear of losing something important. Feeling out of control and the need [...]

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What to Expect from Group Counseling in Valencia

What to Expect from Group Counseling in Valencia

Melissa Plantz2025-04-11T05:04:37+00:00April 11th, 2025|Featured, Group Counseling|

Group counseling, a powerful tool for addressing various issues, is often a mystery to many. However, rest assured that a professional counselor guides you. This expert will pose thought-provoking questions and offer suggestions, both for individuals and the group as a whole, fostering a secure and supportive environment. Group counseling in Valencia, California is not a one-size-fits-all approach. The format, focus, and activities tailored to the group’s specific topic, the participants’ needs, and the counselor’s expertise, making each session unique. Types of Group Counseling The following is a list of a few of the types of group counseling: Support groups Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) groups Process groups The counseling center you choose may employ several more types for their clients. The good news is that group counseling, either in person or virtually, is available for many topics. The following is a list of topics you may cover in group counseling. The activities will vary in topics and participants. Physical, mental, or sexual abuse Substance abuse Alcohol addiction Addiction to pornography Addiction to gambling Eating disorders Grief and loss Marriage counseling Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Trauma Relationship issues Depending on the subject, the group may meet once weekly or biweekly. The counselor may ask participants to check in with them daily or weekly outside the group. Common Group Counseling Activities Group counseling activities allow participants to work together, share, and learn from what has worked in the past and what has not. Activities will vary based on the topic and the group. The following is a list of common activities you may encounter at the center or in online group counseling. Visualization The counselor may lead the group through guided imagery. Visualization can help people see how they wish to be or can be a way to release tension. If relevant [...]

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Living with ADHD as a Christian: How God Can Use Your ADHD for His Glory

Living with ADHD as a Christian: How God Can Use Your ADHD for His Glory

Stephanie Kramer2025-10-30T15:27:45+00:00March 27th, 2025|ADHD/ADD, Featured, Spiritual Development|

Listen to this article https://valenciachristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Valencia-Christian-Counseling-Living-with-ADHD-as-a-Christian-How-God-Can-Use-Your-ADHD-for-His-Glory.mp3 Living with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can be a challenge. It can make you feel like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. The way you think and process information can differ significantly from those around you. You may have been labeled with unfair tags such as “lazy” or “hyper”. And all of this may make you wonder if you will ever fit into the non-ADHD world. God doesn’t make mistakes. He designed you with a purpose, ADHD and all. The very traits that may seem like obstacles and challenges can be gifts when used in the right way. Your energy, creativity, and ability to think outside the box are strengths that our broken and hurting world desperately needs. The beauty of the family of God, His perfect plan, is room and purpose for all of His children. His “hyper” kids may just be the perfect youth pastors, bringing enthusiasm and life to the gospel. God’s kids who are easily distracted may thrive as compassionate social workers in a high-paced environment. And one of His “kids” with hyper-focus may just hyper-fixate enough to find a cure for a major disease someday. Throughout the Bible, God used people who didn’t fit the mold. Moses doubted his speaking ability, yet God made him a great leader. Peter was impulsive, yet God used him to build His church. David was the youngest and most overlooked, yet God called him to be a king. Your ADHD doesn’t disqualify you; it equips you! Don’t let the world, in its fallible wisdom and pessimistic outlooks tell you that your ADHD-inspired behavior makes you less-than, unworthy, unproductive, or unusable. God has a perfect plan, tailored and curated, just for you. He knew you and He [...]

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When Men Get Postpartum Depression

When Men Get Postpartum Depression

Cyndi Kay Green2025-03-11T16:57:36+00:00March 7th, 2025|Depression, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues|

When we discuss postpartum depression, we typically think about women. But the reality is that men can also be affected by postpartum depression. Bringing a baby into the family is a big change for everyone. Though the dad may not experience the pain, there is still the struggle with exhaustion and stress that come with having a newborn in the home. These are a normal part of the birth of a child. However, they can lead to the onset of symptoms that are in line with postpartum depression. Valencia Christian Counseling can provide support and guidance to help navigate this season of life. It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you nor forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. – Deuteronomy 31:8, ESV Factors That Play a Role in Postpartum Depression Men who suffer from postpartum depression usually notice the symptoms when the baby is three to six months old. Various factors play a part in male postpartum depression. Moms who are depressed When the mom shows signs of postpartum depression, about half of the men will begin to show signs of depression, as well. Sleep deprivation It is no secret that new parents struggle with proper sleep right after the birth of the baby. This deprivation can cause depression and anxiety Hormones Men can experience a change in testosterone levels after the birth of a baby. Feeling of disconnection from mom and the newborn Dads sometimes feel disconnected due to the mom being more hands-on and focused on bonding. Family history of depression If there is a history of depression, the male is more likely to experience postpartum depression. Adjusting to parenthood Becoming a parent can seem overwhelming. Parenting requires the ability to cope with many changes. [...]

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Night Terrors in Adults: What Are They?

Night Terrors in Adults: What Are They?

Joanna Kucherera2025-03-11T16:25:24+00:00February 28th, 2025|Anxiety, Depression, Featured, Grief Counseling|

Night terrors, or sleep terrors, are episodes where a sleeping person suddenly begins trembling, sweating, shouting, and may even thrash or walk around as if in a state of fear. These episodes can last anywhere between thirty seconds to an hour or more but are usually over quite quickly. While the person experiencing this episode is unconscious and completely unaware of their actions, it can be distressing for others to witness. Night terrors affect 40% of the child population and only about 2.2% of the adult population. People will generally only experience night terrors as adults if they also experienced them as children. While night terrors can be disruptive to others, they should not cause too much concern for the person experiencing them. They should not be an indicator of poor mental health, for example, though they can be linked to stress and caffeine intake. What are night terrors? Night terrors are part of a broad category of a sleep disorder called parasomnia, of which there are six recognized conditions. These are sleepwalking (somnambulism), teeth grinding, REM sleep behavior disorder, nocturnal sleep-related disorder, nightmares, and night terrors. A person may experience one, all, or a few of these in their lifetime, although commonly they occur during pre-puberty and decline in frequency as we age. Valencia Christian Counseling offers guidance and support to help navigate sleep-related challenges. When we sleep, we experience two types of sleep: non-Rapid Eye Movement sleep (non-REM), and Rapid Eye Movement sleep (REM). In the first stage, we go from dozing off to deep sleep-in cycles over four or more hours. Our brain activity slows and changes, our body temperature drops, and our breathing slows. In the early hours, we begin REM sleep. Our brain activity picks up to the same levels as when we are [...]

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