Healthy Ways of Finding Self-Acceptance

In your lifetime, there will only be a small group of people who can say that they’ve known you for most of your life. Your folks, older relatives, your siblings, and some friends from the neighborhood that you’ve somehow managed to stay in touch with will be among these. As we go through life, relationships end and we part ways with people, and by the time one is 25-40, there’s typically only a small circle of people we truly know and trust, which makes self-acceptance important.

Of course, as you go throughout life, you’re doing it with and as yourself. In whatever situation you find yourself in, you’re bringing your thoughts, hopes, dreams, deepest fears, gifts, and everything that you are. As you make decisions, work, engage in relationships, have conflicts, make up, and apologize, you do these things in accordance with your values or beliefs, though sometimes you may choose to compromise.

Whatever else happens in your other relationships, you should be able to live with yourself at the end of the day. Being able to accept yourself and be content is such an amazing gift because it has many implications for your well-being.

The struggle for self-acceptance

Self-acceptance allows you to face the world with confidence, and it also allows you to be more impervious to criticism. When you accept yourself, you see yourself for who you are without pretense or judgment. You can recognize your own strengths, accomplishments, and weaknesses, and you can see your value and see yourself with sober judgment without needing the approval of others.

Accepting yourself helps you to navigate the world better without the harsh background noise of what other people think. You’re better able to make decisions based on the merits, not based on other people’s opinions. This can often mean making better decisions overall.

With all this being the case, it’s heartbreaking that so many of us aren’t in a place of contentment or self-acceptance. We struggle with self-acceptance for many reasons, including experiencing disapproval from people who are influential in our lives. We are deeply social creatures, and the fear and thought of being ostracized from a social circle can make us compromise in ways that make us uncomfortable with ourselves.

We can also struggle with self-acceptance if we experience adverse life experiences like abuse, being bullied, being neglected by parents or caregivers, or experiencing discrimination because of an aspect of who we are. Additionally, one’s sense of unworthiness can sometimes unfortunately flow from spiritual leaders and a poorly communicated gospel message about the God who loves and redeems sinners.

Unhealthy ways to find self-acceptance and contentment

When a person struggles with contentment and accepting who they are, flaws and all, there are some unhealthy ways to deal with that. One unhealthy way of dealing with a lack of contentment is to try and acquire as much as possible to fill that void and sense of lack. That way lies disaster, for yourself and the people in your life (1 Timothy 6:6-10).

Other unhealthy ways of addressing issues of lacking contentment and not having self-acceptance include pursuing perfection and trying to do everything right. The problem is that none of us is perfect, and even if you get a particular task just right, there is always the next one, and the one after that. Accepting yourself based on your performance puts you in a precarious position because it rides on you always doing the right thing perfectly.

Additional unhealthy ways to pursue self-acceptance and contentment include denying or ignoring flaws and avoiding doing any introspection. If you don’t see yourself honestly and as you truly are, what you end up with is being shallow, and ultimately unwilling to change any bad habits you may have because you refuse to see them.

One can also deal with a lack of self-acceptance and contentment by feeling ashamed of themselves, and engaging in self-hating or self-loathing. For some people, they can turn to substance abuse or other reckless behaviors to numb or avoid the feelings and thoughts they have about themselves or their situation. Lastly, another unhealthy way of dealing with these things is getting defensive if any criticism comes your way.

The right path

Having healthy self-acceptance is not about being perfect or being cocky and overconfident. It’s about being compassionate toward yourself, being able to see your flaws and good points without feeling despondent or proud, and being comfortable with yourself. While you’re comfortable with yourself, you’re still willing to grow and improve yourself.

You can move toward self-acceptance and contentment through:

Realistic assessment, which includes recognizing what you did wrong and being willing to learn from your mistakes. You can also seek to avoid blaming yourself, particularly when looking at the situation objectively indicates that many factors were in play.

Avoiding comparisons with others, and focusing instead on doing better and being better for yourself.

Understand yourself

Whether through journaling or reflection, take the time to understand who you are and what matters to you. You need to build up your own sense of identity and move closer to deeper self-acceptance.

Seek help and support

See a mental health professional like a counselor or therapist to help you build self-acceptance and overcome the symptoms of anxiety that often accompany a lack of contentment and self-acceptance.

Let one of the professional counselors at Valencia Christian Counseling support you in this process. Contact us to make an appointment today.