3 Ways to Listen When Someone Shares about Their Mental Health

Helping people with their mental health is not as simple as changing diets or taking medications. Having a community of compassionate listeners is essential to the well-being of the brokenhearted, the anxious, and the depressed.

Perhaps you have a friend who has just shared their struggle with depression after a significant loss. Maybe your sister reveals that she has panic attacks in certain situations. You could have learned that your child has anxiety, ADHD, or is on the autism spectrum.

A recent trauma could cause a significant change in your spouse’s behaviors and attitudes. As a compassionate individual, you want to be present in supporting the people you love through their mental health journey.

Listening is one of the most crucial skills that you can learn in communication. This may be challenging if you are a rapid-fire analytical person. Some may be naturally gifted at listening, or just tend to be quieter, but even if that describes you, there may still be ways that you can improve your ability. As with many skills, you will become better with practice and patience. Even the chattiest people can learn to become amazing listeners.

Three Ways to Listen to Someone Sharing about their Mental Health

When someone is experiencing mental health struggles, they long for a feeling of safety and acceptance. You can give that to them by being a good listener. You will become a trusted resource for them as they heal and learn to live with their struggle.

Listening with Your Ears

The ears are the body part with which you take in sounds. This will be where you start the practice of listening, but certainly not where you end it. Your ears are just the vehicle of audio input, and your brain is doing a lot of work to sort out what noises need attention at any given moment. When someone comes to you expressing a desire to share some deep pain, you should minimize other forms of audio input as much as possible.

What is the audio input that is telling you something is wrong? Is it tears or moans of pain? Is there a sudden reluctance on the part of your loved one to have a conversation, where once they were verbose? Perhaps it is the simple question, “Can I talk to you?” that will reveal the struggle that someone has.

When they do want to talk, how do you listen? Are you distracted by other noises, music, people talking, television blaring? Do you create a space of silence to let your ears take in what they have to say?

Listening to the silence is just as important as listening to the words. When a friend wants to talk to you about their struggle, you need to give space for long periods of silence. The process of working through a hard issue should not be rushed with you giving advice or interrupting them.

Reassuring them that you value them is often a matter of clearing enough time and space to be quiet. It can be comforting to know that you are a friend who will listen if they need to talk and give them quiet if they need it.

Listening with Your Eyes

You can discover a considerable amount of information about how someone feels with your eyes. Body language experts analyze minute details of hand placement and eyebrow twitches to create commentary about many famous and public figures.

You do not need to become an expert in the minutia of body language, but with practice, you can learn to observe the body language of your friends and family to recognize signs of distress. Subtle shifts in breathing, little ticks such as leg jiggling, or even things that might be considered bad habits, could all be signs that your loved one is dealing with anxiety, stress, or depression.

Fingernail biting, fidgeting with a ring or bracelet, absent-minded doodling on important papers, there are many unique ways that the subconscious displays agitation. Make a study of when your loved one appears relaxed, and when they appear stressed. The clues of their body language may tell you more than words ever could.

Sometimes the body reacts to mental strain in things like acne breakouts, hair loss, headaches, or nausea and vomiting. Pay attention to the patterns in these kinds of symptoms to see if they relate to mental health.

Does a headache always come before tests or deadlines? Do acne breakouts occur when you spend more time around certain people? Perhaps the idea of getting into a car and driving is causing nausea. The mind and the body are connected in wonderful ways, so learning how to listen to your body is a valuable tool when it comes to identifying mental triggers.

It is often easier to validate physical pain over mental anguish, but just treating the physical symptoms with an aspirin or face wash may not help you heal the deep-rooted pain. Using your eyes to observe the outward signs of inner distress is key to listening well.

Listening with Your Heart

Everyone should be quick to listen and slow to speak. – James 1:19

When you are listening to the pain that someone shares, you get a chance to display the mercy and love of God to them. Listening with your heart gives you the chance to pray for your loved one, and to let the Holy Spirit work through you.

Listening with your heart allows you to take all the information that your ears and eyes have received and process it with compassion. You will have the appropriate reactions when you listen with your heart. A hurting person looks for a kind person to come alongside them and tenderly help them through the heartaches of life. Open your heart to them, and bring peace by listening well.

Listening in the Bible

Here are a few verses on how God listens to you and how you can learn to emulate Him in your listening practices.

In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. – Psalm 18:6

He cares about the distressed person.

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. – Jeremiah 29:12

No prayer is unheard.

I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. – Psalm 116:1-2

He is trustworthy for all time.

This is the confidence we have in approaching God, that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. – 1 John 5:14

He knows what is good for us.

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, And his ears are attentive to their cry. – Psalm 34:15

He genuinely loves his people.

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! – Matthew 7:7-11

Listening is a skill that can be learned by those who have the capacity for compassion. Go forth and listen well.