Relationship Issues Archives | Valencia Christian Counseling

3 Important Questions to Ask Before Marriage

3 Important Questions to Ask Before Marriage

Emmah Machokoto2024-10-03T12:37:32+00:00June 12th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

The idea of marriage is exciting for many people, long before getting into a relationship. In part, this is because marriage can be overly idealized and romanticized in the mainstream media. Much of the media portrays marriage as almost fairytale-like, from an almost unrealistic perspective. Marriages in most movies are preceded by a big fancy wedding where the relationships are almost perfect and effortless. Presented like this, it’s not surprising that most of us want and expect that unrealistic standard in our relationships and marriages. In the United States, the sobering statistics are that fifty percent of first-time marriages end in divorce. This is contrary to what the media portrays. Marriage is not easy and takes a lot of commitment, effort, and work. There are fights in marriage and financial challenges. People change over time. A lifelong marriage requires two committed people to get into an authentic and candid relationship with each other for it to be rewarding and fulfilling. 3 Important Questions to Ask Before Marriage The decision to get married is one of the biggest decisions you will make in life, so it is important to give it the consideration that it deserves. Here are three important questions to ask before marriage. 1) Am I ready for marriage? Society sometimes puts unwarranted pressure on people of a certain age to get married. Questions are asked and hints are given. It gets worse when the people in your circles start getting married one by one and you are the only one left without that ring on your finger. While societal pressure does get too much, it is much easier to deal with that than the effects of an unhappy marriage. Before getting into a relationship or committing to a marriage, ask yourself if you are ready to settle [...]

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Anger in the Book of Proverbs

Anger in the Book of Proverbs

Wade Van Staden2024-10-03T12:38:33+00:00May 29th, 2024|Anger Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

The Bible offers much wisdom when it comes to understanding emotions and mental health. Proverbs, especially, has a lot to say on the topic of anger. The timeless truths in the book of Proverbs are well worth unpacking and examining because many apply to the situations we face today. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger - Proverbs 15:1, NIV We must all face conflict at some point in our lives. This can be a scary thing for many of us, especially those who grew up in homes that never experienced shouting, harsh words, or arguments. A benefit of being conflict-avoidant is that gentle communication is often the very thing that de-escalates a fiery exchange. Answering an angry person softly and being gentle with your words will catch the person off-guard and create space for calmer communication. Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city - Proverbs 16:32, NIV It can feel empowering to vent anger because doing so will often get results. For example, bosses often express their anger at employees because they are in a position of power and may get away with it without losing their jobs. However, it will come at a cost. The atmosphere in the workplace will be affected, not to mention the mental health of the workers. Mature leaders know that valuing relationships is better for the longevity of business. The angry boss would do better to take time to investigate what frustrates him and communicate from a place of knowledge rather than anger. This principle applies to all types of relationships. Cool heads and patience will always prevail over outbursts and tantrums. A hot-tempered person must pay the penalty; rescue them and you will have to do [...]

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Taking New Territory: Navigating Transition, Relationships, and Boundaries

Taking New Territory: Navigating Transition, Relationships, and Boundaries

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T18:37:19+00:00April 29th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Venturing into unfamiliar territory can be somewhat frightening, but it is part of a maturing believer’s evolution and transformation. As we discover more about the Lord we encounter who He has called and created us to be. In this, we come to rest and rely on Him as He winds our path out of familiarity and deeper into the unknown where faith alone sustains, helping us to set proper boundaries. Abram and Sarai experienced this as they sojourned through unfamiliar territory in search of a promised homeland. Having left most of their family except for Lot, Abraham’s nephew, they weren’t sure of all the future would produce. What they discovered was a handful of promises from the Almighty and a yearning for a city whose builder and maker was God (Hebrews 11:8, 10). Transition Abraham’s story is one that we all live in some way or another. Transitions are built into life’s landscape. As we traverse from one season into the next, we will separate from some places and some people while engaging with new ones. Sometimes, when we carry elements of our old life into new spaces, we find disagreement and a lack of fit. It demands that we respond by making another change. Otherwise, we can experience the discord that often ensues when we cling to what the Lord wants us to leave in the old season. Territory Though he left the majority of his family, Abraham pivoted again. This time, it meant creating a boundary and separating his people, property, and possessions from Lot. When we first consider this, it can appear as if Abraham is being harsh in setting a boundary. If we read more closely, we will see that he is conveying love for his nephew by launching into new territory. Lot couldn’t grow [...]

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Bible Verses about Friendship and Community

Bible Verses about Friendship and Community

Caitlin Mallery2024-10-03T12:57:56+00:00April 22nd, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Looking for Bible verses about friendship and community? If so, this article is for you. Lack of friendship and a sense of community produces loneliness which is currently one of the greatest crises on both a national and international level. “The World Health Organization (WHO) has declared loneliness to be a pressing global health threat, with the US surgeon general saying that its mortality effects are equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.” As people become more transitory in their lives, work for large corporations from their dining rooms, and their social lives consist of scrolling social media, a life of loneliness is easy to slip into. However, both medical and psychological science have done a great deal of research on the importance of relationships in human beings. This is not just in terms of marital and familial relationships. A community of friends and neighbors supporting and caring for one another is vital in the truest sense of the word, life-giving. Not all relationships and friendships are equally intimate, but they should all offer something of value, whether it be a neighbor to watch your pets when you are away, weekly small groups or book clubs, or the larger community of a church. Bible Verses About Friendship and Community What Jesus said Jesus created a group of intimate friends to share in the work of the kingdom of God. And the identifying marker of that kingdom is loving one another. A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. – John 13:34-35, NIV Your brothers and sisters in Christ are the people with whom you should cultivate caring and supportive relationships. The earliest [...]

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Date Ideas for Couples on a Budget

Date Ideas for Couples on a Budget

Cyndi Kay Green2024-10-03T12:37:20+00:00December 20th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

It is easy for couples to lose themselves in the midst of all the busyness of work, kids, errands and responsibilities. Slowly, without realizing it, date night can quickly be forgotten. No matter how long a couple has been together there is never a time not to date. The challenge comes when the budget doesn’t allow for the big extravagant dates that happened before marriage. With a little creativity, there are ways to find date ideas for couples on a budget. God desires for our marriages to be healthy and built on love. Any activity, even the simplest and most inexpensive, can keep a marriage inspired toward the kind of love that God describes. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, ESV Why does dating matter after marriage? Once a couple is married, they tend to stop dating because there is so much going on in their lives as they build a life together. Dating as a couple goes beyond connecting as husband and wife. It also helps cement the family, including the children. It creates a sense of belonging and growth as a unit. Each person needs to be able to communicate thoughts and ideas about the future. Having a weekly date night is the perfect time for this connection. Date night can strengthen the friendship of the couple and enhance communication. Dating builds excitement and cultivates desire and a deeper intimacy with one another. Sharing dreams, ideas, burdens, and concerns knits the couple together and [...]

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Bible Verses about Forgiveness: The Wonder of Being Forgiven

Bible Verses about Forgiveness: The Wonder of Being Forgiven

Caitlin Mallery2024-10-03T12:57:22+00:00August 3rd, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

In this article, we'll consider several Bible verses about forgiveness and what it means to forgive and be forgiven. Forgiveness is a hard thing for many to imagine. Holding grudges, and keeping a record of slights, big or small, real or perceived, is the natural tendency of humans. It is a tendency based on self-preservation. When trauma and hurt have occurred, the instinct toward self-preservation is heightened. So why should you practice forgiving the pains that others have caused you? Bible Verses about Forgiveness Who benefits from forgiveness? The answer may surprise you, but it is not the forgiven party, but rather the one doing the forgiving. There may even be times where the forgiven person has no idea that they hurt you in the first place. Forgiveness will ultimately have a much deeper impact on you. You will experience peace of mind and heart. You will be able to set boundaries with toxic people. You will have grace for mistakes. You will be patient when things become complicated. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. – Matthew 18:21-22, NIV This practice of forgiveness is not often a once-and-done experience. You may need to search your heart and do so repeatedly. By bringing it to God you become more aware of his great mercy and forgiveness toward you. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. – Colossians 3:13, NIV Do you need it? The short answer is YES. The longer answer is you probably don’t even know all the things for which you [...]

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7 Toxic Traits in a Relationship

7 Toxic Traits in a Relationship

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T10:46:44+00:00July 28th, 2022|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

What does it take to have a healthy relationship – devoid of toxic traits – in which the people in it feel loved for who they are, and are given room to grow and express who God made them to be? People crave meaningful relationships, but this is far from simple to achieve because we bring our complicated histories, expectations, and weaknesses into our relationships. To have a healthy relationship thus requires the people in it to have a mature self-awareness, be capable of growth and change, and be willing to forgive the other from the heart. Though you may be in a toxic relationship, you may not be aware that the relationship has a toxic traits. Certain ways of relating to others may seem normal to you, and you may not even consider questioning those ways of thinking and being, or whether they’re good for you because they are part of a long-established pattern. On the other hand, the unhealthy dynamics in your relationship may be a recent development or one that exists in a particular relationship, such as with your spouse, children, or colleagues. Pinpointing these behaviors is the first step toward moving the relationship in a healthy direction. Toxic Traits to Watch for in a Relationship Constant conflict People argue. We have different outlooks on life – a wide variety of personalities, interests, expectations, desires, gifts, and capacities. Our differences don’t have to divide us, and our similarities should unite us, but it happens often enough that difference creates distance, and our similarities can cause friction. Two people in a relationship may want the same thing, but because they see different paths to get there, that can be a cause of conflict. Conflict in a relationship isn’t a bad thing. It allows people to clarify their [...]

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Codependency: Problems and Power Struggles

Codependency: Problems and Power Struggles

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T10:46:52+00:00June 18th, 2022|Codependency, Couples Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Codependency is a common problem that can be hard to spot on your own. The codependent person has too much dependence on another person, though they may be high functioning themselves. Problems can develop over time as the relationship becomes more imbalanced. But when the power is balanced between two people, there is hope for recovery. Since codependency can be difficult to see, it’s helpful to get a third-party viewpoint from a caring counselor. The counselor’s objective stance can help you identify your problems so you can work toward biblical solutions. Power Struggles in Codependency Every codependent relationship suffers from a power struggle. It’s challenging to get out of these power imbalances on your own. However, a counselor can help you see signs of codependency issues like these in your relationships. One person does most of the taking while the other does most of the giving, and the giver is resentful of this imbalance. The codependent feels that their purpose in life is defined by what they contribute to the relationship. The codependent finds it hard to say no even when a no answer is appropriate. The codependent makes excuses for the other person’s negative behavior and might even take responsibility for it. One person may feel trapped in a relationship while the other may feel smothered. The codependent may be overly concerned about the other person to the neglect of his or her own needs. The codependent has an inflated view of the other person and puts a great deal of estimation into what the other person thinks of them. One or more of these characteristics may indicate a problem with codependency. Though these problems are often deeply rooted, they can be treated with the guidance and wisdom of a Christian counselor. If you struggle with codependency, they [...]

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24 Quotes on Married Life to Encourage You and Strengthen Your Marriage

24 Quotes on Married Life to Encourage You and Strengthen Your Marriage

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T10:47:07+00:00March 3rd, 2022|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

A significant portion of the United States is married and adding the people across the world that are married now, and those that have been married across the ages, and you have yourself a deep pool of wisdom about marriage to draw from. There are many passages of Scripture that address husbands and wives, and that shape our understanding of marriage. This article is focused on how people take those many passages, reflecting on them and the wisdom they’ve gleaned. In other words, the following quotes on married life show how various people have tried to make sense of marriage and how to do married life well. Married life is a mass of complexities. That’s because people are complicated, and when two people are married to one another, that complication only increases. Couples love one another, have squabbles, laugh together, make love, welcome others into their home, work through problems, forgive one another, deal with sickness, grieve and rejoice together – in short, they do life together with all its ups and downs. 24 Quotes on Married Life Into all this, God has given his wisdom through Scripture, and he has also given his people the Spirit to discern how to live in light of Scripture. May the following quotes on married life bless you and your spouse as you reflect on the amazing gift that is marriage. Like a soft, deep layer of mulch, transparency in your marriage will keep most weed seeds dormant and unable to sprout. – Barbara Rainey Have a good and godly marriage that shows the world Christ's love through how you sacrificially love and serve one another. – John Stange A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. – Ruth Bell Graham No matter how many rules we make for ourselves, [...]

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3 Ways to Listen When Someone Shares about Their Mental Health

3 Ways to Listen When Someone Shares about Their Mental Health

Caitlin Mallery2024-10-03T12:57:13+00:00February 7th, 2022|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Relationship Issues|

Helping people with their mental health is not as simple as changing diets or taking medications. Having a community of compassionate listeners is essential to the well-being of the brokenhearted, the anxious, and the depressed. Perhaps you have a friend who has just shared their struggle with depression after a significant loss. Maybe your sister reveals that she has panic attacks in certain situations. You could have learned that your child has anxiety, ADHD, or is on the autism spectrum. A recent trauma could cause a significant change in your spouse’s behaviors and attitudes. As a compassionate individual, you want to be present in supporting the people you love through their mental health journey. Listening is one of the most crucial skills that you can learn in communication. This may be challenging if you are a rapid-fire analytical person. Some may be naturally gifted at listening, or just tend to be quieter, but even if that describes you, there may still be ways that you can improve your ability. As with many skills, you will become better with practice and patience. Even the chattiest people can learn to become amazing listeners. Three Ways to Listen to Someone Sharing about their Mental Health When someone is experiencing mental health struggles, they long for a feeling of safety and acceptance. You can give that to them by being a good listener. You will become a trusted resource for them as they heal and learn to live with their struggle. Listening with Your Ears The ears are the body part with which you take in sounds. This will be where you start the practice of listening, but certainly not where you end it. Your ears are just the vehicle of audio input, and your brain is doing a lot of work to [...]

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