Couples Counseling Archives | Valencia Christian Counseling

3 Important Questions to Ask Before Marriage

3 Important Questions to Ask Before Marriage

Emmah Machokoto2024-10-03T12:37:32+00:00June 12th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

The idea of marriage is exciting for many people, long before getting into a relationship. In part, this is because marriage can be overly idealized and romanticized in the mainstream media. Much of the media portrays marriage as almost fairytale-like, from an almost unrealistic perspective. Marriages in most movies are preceded by a big fancy wedding where the relationships are almost perfect and effortless. Presented like this, it’s not surprising that most of us want and expect that unrealistic standard in our relationships and marriages. In the United States, the sobering statistics are that fifty percent of first-time marriages end in divorce. This is contrary to what the media portrays. Marriage is not easy and takes a lot of commitment, effort, and work. There are fights in marriage and financial challenges. People change over time. A lifelong marriage requires two committed people to get into an authentic and candid relationship with each other for it to be rewarding and fulfilling. 3 Important Questions to Ask Before Marriage The decision to get married is one of the biggest decisions you will make in life, so it is important to give it the consideration that it deserves. Here are three important questions to ask before marriage. 1) Am I ready for marriage? Society sometimes puts unwarranted pressure on people of a certain age to get married. Questions are asked and hints are given. It gets worse when the people in your circles start getting married one by one and you are the only one left without that ring on your finger. While societal pressure does get too much, it is much easier to deal with that than the effects of an unhappy marriage. Before getting into a relationship or committing to a marriage, ask yourself if you are ready to settle [...]

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Date Ideas for Couples on a Budget

Date Ideas for Couples on a Budget

Cyndi Kay Green2024-10-03T12:37:20+00:00December 20th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

It is easy for couples to lose themselves in the midst of all the busyness of work, kids, errands and responsibilities. Slowly, without realizing it, date night can quickly be forgotten. No matter how long a couple has been together there is never a time not to date. The challenge comes when the budget doesn’t allow for the big extravagant dates that happened before marriage. With a little creativity, there are ways to find date ideas for couples on a budget. God desires for our marriages to be healthy and built on love. Any activity, even the simplest and most inexpensive, can keep a marriage inspired toward the kind of love that God describes. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, ESV Why does dating matter after marriage? Once a couple is married, they tend to stop dating because there is so much going on in their lives as they build a life together. Dating as a couple goes beyond connecting as husband and wife. It also helps cement the family, including the children. It creates a sense of belonging and growth as a unit. Each person needs to be able to communicate thoughts and ideas about the future. Having a weekly date night is the perfect time for this connection. Date night can strengthen the friendship of the couple and enhance communication. Dating builds excitement and cultivates desire and a deeper intimacy with one another. Sharing dreams, ideas, burdens, and concerns knits the couple together and [...]

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7 Toxic Traits in a Relationship

7 Toxic Traits in a Relationship

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T10:46:44+00:00July 28th, 2022|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

What does it take to have a healthy relationship – devoid of toxic traits – in which the people in it feel loved for who they are, and are given room to grow and express who God made them to be? People crave meaningful relationships, but this is far from simple to achieve because we bring our complicated histories, expectations, and weaknesses into our relationships. To have a healthy relationship thus requires the people in it to have a mature self-awareness, be capable of growth and change, and be willing to forgive the other from the heart. Though you may be in a toxic relationship, you may not be aware that the relationship has a toxic traits. Certain ways of relating to others may seem normal to you, and you may not even consider questioning those ways of thinking and being, or whether they’re good for you because they are part of a long-established pattern. On the other hand, the unhealthy dynamics in your relationship may be a recent development or one that exists in a particular relationship, such as with your spouse, children, or colleagues. Pinpointing these behaviors is the first step toward moving the relationship in a healthy direction. Toxic Traits to Watch for in a Relationship Constant conflict People argue. We have different outlooks on life – a wide variety of personalities, interests, expectations, desires, gifts, and capacities. Our differences don’t have to divide us, and our similarities should unite us, but it happens often enough that difference creates distance, and our similarities can cause friction. Two people in a relationship may want the same thing, but because they see different paths to get there, that can be a cause of conflict. Conflict in a relationship isn’t a bad thing. It allows people to clarify their [...]

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Codependency: Problems and Power Struggles

Codependency: Problems and Power Struggles

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T10:46:52+00:00June 18th, 2022|Codependency, Couples Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Codependency is a common problem that can be hard to spot on your own. The codependent person has too much dependence on another person, though they may be high functioning themselves. Problems can develop over time as the relationship becomes more imbalanced. But when the power is balanced between two people, there is hope for recovery. Since codependency can be difficult to see, it’s helpful to get a third-party viewpoint from a caring counselor. The counselor’s objective stance can help you identify your problems so you can work toward biblical solutions. Power Struggles in Codependency Every codependent relationship suffers from a power struggle. It’s challenging to get out of these power imbalances on your own. However, a counselor can help you see signs of codependency issues like these in your relationships. One person does most of the taking while the other does most of the giving, and the giver is resentful of this imbalance. The codependent feels that their purpose in life is defined by what they contribute to the relationship. The codependent finds it hard to say no even when a no answer is appropriate. The codependent makes excuses for the other person’s negative behavior and might even take responsibility for it. One person may feel trapped in a relationship while the other may feel smothered. The codependent may be overly concerned about the other person to the neglect of his or her own needs. The codependent has an inflated view of the other person and puts a great deal of estimation into what the other person thinks of them. One or more of these characteristics may indicate a problem with codependency. Though these problems are often deeply rooted, they can be treated with the guidance and wisdom of a Christian counselor. If you struggle with codependency, they [...]

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24 Quotes on Married Life to Encourage You and Strengthen Your Marriage

24 Quotes on Married Life to Encourage You and Strengthen Your Marriage

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T10:47:07+00:00March 3rd, 2022|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

A significant portion of the United States is married and adding the people across the world that are married now, and those that have been married across the ages, and you have yourself a deep pool of wisdom about marriage to draw from. There are many passages of Scripture that address husbands and wives, and that shape our understanding of marriage. This article is focused on how people take those many passages, reflecting on them and the wisdom they’ve gleaned. In other words, the following quotes on married life show how various people have tried to make sense of marriage and how to do married life well. Married life is a mass of complexities. That’s because people are complicated, and when two people are married to one another, that complication only increases. Couples love one another, have squabbles, laugh together, make love, welcome others into their home, work through problems, forgive one another, deal with sickness, grieve and rejoice together – in short, they do life together with all its ups and downs. 24 Quotes on Married Life Into all this, God has given his wisdom through Scripture, and he has also given his people the Spirit to discern how to live in light of Scripture. May the following quotes on married life bless you and your spouse as you reflect on the amazing gift that is marriage. Like a soft, deep layer of mulch, transparency in your marriage will keep most weed seeds dormant and unable to sprout. – Barbara Rainey Have a good and godly marriage that shows the world Christ's love through how you sacrificially love and serve one another. – John Stange A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. – Ruth Bell Graham No matter how many rules we make for ourselves, [...]

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