How to Identify Anger Problems and What To Do About Them

It seems as though one can find anger around every corner in daily life. If you turn on the news, you’re bound to hear a story sooner or later about someone with anger problems who harmed another person or an animal because they were angry about one thing or another. You may encounter politicians or their supporters of different ideological persuasions shouting at each other everywhere from city council meetings to the US Senate.

If you go to the grocery store, you may hear someone complaining to a store employee or having a go at another customer because they cut in line. If you go online and scroll through your social media feeds, there’s no shortage of anger boiling over there regarding social, political, environmental, and other issues.

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events.

What is anger?

Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity. It can range from feeling mild irritation to intense rage. Anger is accompanied by physiological and biological changes. The stress hormones, adrenaline and cortisol, increase causing heart rate and blood pressure to go up.

Is anger an issue?

Expressing anger.

The instinctive way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to perceived threat. The mental, physiological, and emotional response inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors that prepare us to defend ourselves when we are attached. People use conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings.

Three approaches people use to deal with their anger are assertively expressing, suppressing, and calming.

• Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive – not aggressive – manner is the healthiest.
• Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger.
• Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them directly), or a personality that is chronically sarcastic, hostile, putting others down, or overly critical.

Signs of anger problems.

We all experience anger, though how we express those feelings will vary. One helpful guiding principle is that if the way you express anger causes harm to other people (including yourself), then that likely points to anger problems.

Some other signs of anger problems to look out for include:

• Your anger is for the wrong reasons.
• Your anger is out of proportion to its cause.
• Your anger is directed at the wrong person or object.
• Your anger is out of control.
• You keep your anger pent up within and you don’t know how to express it without blowing up at someone.
• The people around you have expressed concerns about your anger, and they may have even suggested that you have an anger problem. Perhaps you’ve threatened them or an animal while angry.
• You don’t know how to express your feelings of anger, and you may even feel scared about expressing it.
• When you’re angry, you keep it to yourself, but you give people hints that you’re angry, such as being sarcastic, giving them the silent treatment, or harming yourself. This is called passive-aggressive behavior, and it’s a sign of anger problems.
• You have health issues that can be traced to holding onto anger. Some health issues associated with anger problems include high blood pressure, cardiac health issues, stroke, and mental health concerns such as anxiety and depression.
• You are almost always feeling angry, or your anger threshold is so low that you’re constantly being triggered and feeling angry at things that most people would dismiss as annoyances.
• There are relationships in your life that have been damaged because of things you’ve said and done while you were angry.
• When you’re angry, you physically and verbally assault people or animals. That may also include shouting, cursing, throwing objects, slapping a person, or punching a wall. Because of your behavior when angry, not only might you have alienated loved ones, but you may have landed in trouble with the law.

Anger problems can develop suddenly due to experiencing enormous work or financial pressures, for instance, but they can also be part of a pattern of established behavior. If you see any of these signs, be sure to see a doctor or a counselor that specializes in anger management to get help. 

The impact of anger problems.

When looking for some of the signs of anger problems, they can be found in the relational detritus that results from uncontrolled anger. Anger prompts you to say and do things that are hurtful to others by lowering both your inhibitions and your ability to filter yourself.

When you come to your senses after an anger outburst, or even while you’re having it, you regret your words and actions. By that time, however, the damage has already been done, and the relationship is likely irrevocably damaged. Trust and intimacy can be lost in a matter of seconds, and they are incredibly difficult to rebuild.

Anger problems affect all kinds of relationships, including romantic relationships, friendships, family, and work relationships. In a working environment, anger problems can make it hard for people to want to collaborate with you, which can lower your effectiveness and productivity.

Anger problems can also potentially hinder your chances of getting promoted because you don’t work well with others. If you have anger problems and you’re an employer or manager, that can hinder your ability to lead others well and promote good team morale.

Anger, especially the unbridled kind, often inspires fear, which produces a working environment that doesn’t spark joy or creativity. Anger clouds your judgment and prevents you from hearing people out – this can stifle meaningful conflict resolution and the generation of good ideas in the workplace, which can harm relationships and your bottom line.

Anger problems can create issues for your well-being. This includes the physical and mental health issues mentioned above, not to mention the legal woes that can come your way due to uncontrolled anger. It’s also not pleasant going through life feeling angry and missing out on all that God has placed in your life to be enjoyed.

How to effectively handle anger problems.

Anger problems can be brought under control as you repent of sinful anger, understand your anger better, and develop tools to calm yourself. One Biblical principle that emerges repeatedly can be stated thus, “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city” (Proverbs 16:32, ESV).

Developing your capacity to slow down your trajectory toward anger and to manage your anger is a helpful but difficult life skill to acquire. Being able to conquer a city is no mean feat but being able to master yourself is a tall order.

Some of the ways to effectively handle your anger problems include the following:

Admit that you have anger problems. It’s not just that you’re cranky, hungry, or sleep deprived, or that the people around you aren’t smart. Reducing the issue to being unable to control your anger is a great first step because you’re dealing with the root of the problem. It’s important to see a doctor so they can eliminate any possible underlying causes of anger, such as stress, or as a symptom of depression or bipolar disorder, for example.

Learn what triggers your anger. Knowing what triggers your anger allows you to prepare for the scenarios when you’ll encounter those triggers. If you’re going to a meeting, you can enter it ready to calm yourself as soon as you notice that trigger manifest.

Learn some relaxation techniques. Triggers for anger will come, and you can’t control anyone else’s behavior. What you can control is your own behavior, including your breathing and what you focus on. Deep breathing techniques, visualization, and muscle relaxation are all examples of things you can do in the moment when you’re feeling triggered. It may even be helpful to learn to walk away to cool off when you find yourself feeling angry.

Dig deeper. Anger problems can be rooted in patterns of thought and behavior that were learned in childhood or as socialized responses as an adult. The patterns need to be identified and replaced with healthier patterns.

Anger management counseling can help you with this deeper work, which includes learning to communicate more effectively with others, learning relaxation, conflict resolution, problem-solving techniques, and so much more. Seek help, and your counselor can journey with you by teaching you how to wield and express your anger constructively so that you don’t cause further damage to your health and relationships.

Since we cannot physically lash out every time we are irritated or annoyed, it is important to learn how to effectively deal with anger.

The goal of anger management is to reduce the emotional feelings and physiological arousal that anger causes. Although you can’t entirely avoid the things or people that irritate or annoy you, it is possible to learn how to control your reactions.

If you feel that your anger is out of control, if it is having a negative impact on your relationships or other important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. I use and teach various techniques to help individuals manage their anger in more positive ways. My professional specialization includes collaborating with clients through a Christian worldview to problem solve and integrate Scripture and therapeutic approaches.