3 Important Questions to Ask Before Marriage

The idea of marriage is exciting for many people, long before getting into a relationship. In part, this is because marriage can be overly idealized and romanticized in the mainstream media. Much of the media portrays marriage as almost fairytale-like, from an almost unrealistic perspective.

Marriages in most movies are preceded by a big fancy wedding where the relationships are almost perfect and effortless. Presented like this, it’s not surprising that most of us want and expect that unrealistic standard in our relationships and marriages.

In the United States, the sobering statistics are that fifty percent of first-time marriages end in divorce. This is contrary to what the media portrays. Marriage is not easy and takes a lot of commitment, effort, and work. There are fights in marriage and financial challenges. People change over time. A lifelong marriage requires two committed people to get into an authentic and candid relationship with each other for it to be rewarding and fulfilling. Valencia Christian Counseling provides faith-based guidance to help couples navigate challenges and build strong, lasting marriages.

3 Important Questions to Ask Before Marriage

The decision to get married is one of the biggest decisions you will make in life, so it is important to give it the consideration that it deserves. Here are three important questions to ask before marriage.

1) Am I ready for marriage?

Society sometimes puts unwarranted pressure on people of a certain age to get married. Questions are asked and hints are given. It gets worse when the people in your circles start getting married one by one and you are the only one left without that ring on your finger. While societal pressure does get too much, it is much easier to deal with that than the effects of an unhappy marriage.

Before getting into a relationship or committing to a marriage, ask yourself if you are ready to settle down. Spell out what readiness looks like to you. Most importantly, you need to ensure that you are marrying for the right reasons. Determine what the right reasons for marriage are for you. Pause and think about the values and principles that matter most to you and what qualities you value in a potential spouse.

2) Do we have compatible beliefs and values?

You and your partner must have deep and honest conversations about your core values and beliefs. This includes both religious beliefs and other practical matters. People are mostly shaped by the environment that they grew up in. Their worldviews include what it means to be a husband and a wife sharing a home.

One common example that causes bitterness and resentment in marriages is around roles and responsibilities. Because of how they were raised, people can have strong feelings about gender roles once marriage and family take place. Often there are more expectations of women in household management and child rearing.

However, because women are also occupying the formal workspaces that were previously a male domain, they do not have the bandwidth to run the home all by themselves. They expect men to pull an equal weight around the home as well. To avoid such conflicts in your marriage, you must discuss your expectations around the running of the home and other critical issues like religion, children, and extended family.

3) Do we fight fair?

Every couple fights and disagrees. Some fights and disagreements are easy to get past and laugh off, but others threaten the existence of a relationship. Communication plays a significant role in the success or failure of a marriage. It is important for you, as a couple, to understand each other’s communication style and figure out how to best resolve conflicts in your relationship.

It is important to realize that pride should not have a place in trying to solve relationship issues because ultimately there is no winner if the relationship fails. As a couple, you should find a healthy way of resolving conflicts. Healthy conflict resolution involves maintaining mutual respect even in disagreements and avoiding doing or saying things to intentionally hurt or aggravate the other party.

You should both individually work on yourselves first and try to be a better person for the sake of your relationship. During a disagreement, try to understand the other party’s perspective and look at the conflict from their point of view.

Faith-based marriage counseling

There are many other questions that you need to ask before you get married to help you prepare for a strong and resilient marriage. Likewise, there may be experiences from your past that have negatively affected how you relate to others. Healing yourself is one of the best gifts you can bring into marriage.

If you would like to explore these questions or dig into any negative patterns, consider premarital counseling in Valencia. A professional therapist at Valencia Christian Counseling can help you on your journey to flourishing. Contact our reception team today at Valencia Christian Counseling for an appointment.